Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Holidays 2008

The holiday season is here - and while I celebrate the joy of the season, my heart aches for the children who should be here but who are not. For Tanner and Brooklyn who are celebrating with the One we honor and for my daughter who is half a world away. Tanner and Brookie know how much their family loves and misses them. But my daughter (as Tanner always said "my Chinese cousin") doesn't know yet that there is a huge loving family waiting for her. Lord, please let her know this time next year how much not only her mother, but her grandmother, her aunts, uncles, cousins and those other "aunties and uncles" who can't wait for her arrival love her.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

O God of All Children

O God of all the children of Somalia, Sarajevo,
South Africa and South Carolina
Of Albania, Alabama, Bosnia, and Boston,
Of Cracow and Cairo, Chicago and Croatia,
Help us to love and respect and protect them all.

O God of Black and Brown and White and Albino children
and those all mixed together,
Of children who are rich and poor and in between,
Of children who speak English and Spanish and Russian and Hmong
and languages our ears cannot discern,
Help us to love and respect and protect them all.

O God of the child prodigy and the child prostitute,
of the child of rapture and the child of rape,
Of runaway or thrown -away children who struggle
every day without parent or place or friend or future,
Help us to love and respect and protect them all.

O God of children who can walk and talk and hear
and see and sing and dance and jump and
play and of children who wish they could but can't,
Of children who are loved and unloved, wanted and unwanted,
Help us to love and respect and protect them all.

O God of beggar, beaten, abused, neglected,
homeless, AIDS, drug, and hunger-ravaged children,
Of children who are emotionally and physically and mentally fragile,
and of children who rebel and ridicule, torment and taunt,
Help us to love and respect and protect them all.

O God of children of destiny and of despair, of war
and of peace,
Of disfigured, diseased, and dying children,
Of children without hope and of children with hope
to spare and to share,
Help us to love and respect and protect them all.

from
GUIDE MY FEET
Prayers and Meditations on
Loving and Working for Children
by Marian Wright Edelman

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

1001 Days since LID

It's now been 1001 days since the Chinese government recognized that they had recieved my paperwork for an adoption. And that's not counting the 9 months of waiting for a single's slot and doing paperwork that preceeded my log in date. And because referrals are still so slow in coming, it will likely be several more months before I get my referral. That's a really long time to wait.

I babysat last night for my friend's 3 year old daughter and son who were both born in China. Why does it make the wait harder? Seems like it should make me more sure the wait is worth it. I struggle to remember and believe that His timing is perfect....

Friday, November 21, 2008

Psalm 34:4 - I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Brave and Courageous

Psalms 27:14 tells us to "Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD." I'm thinking today of what it means to brave and courageous while I endure this wait that feels as if it may never end. Maybe He's talking about being brave enough to believe that He still wants me to be a mother; and to be courageous to go on even when giving up seems the sensible thing to do.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Still waiting

I counted up how long I've been waiting, realized it's been nearly a thousand days and got really depressed. And that does not include the time from July 2005 when I first submitted an application, from November when I got accepted by my agency (having to wait for a "spot" as a single) and on to March 2006 when my paperwork finally got logged in. I guess I should focus on the fact that there are only 25 log in dates before mine....that may easily be 5-6 more months before a referral, but I surely will bring my daugther home before next summer.

The children in Arkansas have been placed with a married couple who live in Arkansas. The foster family has major concerns about the family they were placed with, but I'm praying that this couple loves parenting those little ones like I would have.

Waiting for my girl




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Thursday, October 2, 2008

Maybe the end, or the beginning, is in sight



I've finally gotten to the place where there is only 27 more log in dates until MY log in date. That means that there are 27 days of dossiers from those seeking to adopt Chinese children that will be matched with children before MY dossier is matched with a child. This may mean I'll get a referral by the end of 2008 or early 2009, but there are not guarentees. And the children in Arkansas are still waiting to be offically "adoptable". This could happen as early as November. I'm still waiting on the Lord to make clear to me who I should parent - wish God had email. But I do know that there are many, many children in this world who need someone to love them and I know I need a child, or children, to love.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Mother's Day

This weekend is Mother's Day. I am so grateful to God for my mother - I really don't think I could have asked for a better one - she is wonderful. But I am a little sad. Sad for myself that once again, it's Mother's Day and I am not yet a mother. I don't understand God's timing - it's been so long. And I'm brokenhearted for Elizabeth and knowing she will be facing her first Mother's Day without having her children to hold. We will hold to Him, knowing He is in control and asking Him to give us strength.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Life Goes On - Even When You're Not Sure You Want It To

I find it amazing and difficult to understand, but I'm still waiting. So much has changed in my life since I started the adoption process. Two of the most precious parts of my life are gone and it's still hard to believe that Tanner and Brooklyn won't grow up with my child/children. The second anniversary of my Log In Date for my China adoption has come and gone and I still don't know when I might get a referral - it looks like the winter of 2008 or later. And the Lord has put the possibility of parenting two other children in my life too - I trust He's in control. But it is hard to wait every day not knowing if I will have a daughter from China, or a daughter and a son from Arkansas. If you're reading this, say a prayer for me that I can be more patient and more trusting and that the Lord will heal my family's broken hearts - it's so hard. I miss Tanner and Brooklyn so much and my heart breaks
for the rest of my family too.


The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18, NIV